WTF, you reckon. My antennas were similarly up, when I heard that the soccer legend was flying into Kerala on October 24th. Although, this is great news for the soccer-crazy state, the real objective of his visit seems to be vastly different. It has nothing to do with soccer. It has to do with Kerala moving away from being the ‘God’s own country’ to ‘Gold’s own country’.
What’s gold got to do with Maradona? For the uninitiated, here’s the news. A Kerala jewellery store had signed him up last year as their brand ambassador. And so, he’s here to inaugurate their new showroom in Kannur in the coming week. This marketing ploy of getting a famous soccer star to endorse a jewellery brand in Kerala sounds utterly tenuous to me. But that’s a debate for another day.
The reason it piqued my curiosity is simple: how did this deal get fixed? So, here’s an imaginary extract from the conversation between Diego Maradona and Mr. Che Manure, the Malayali jeweller, who has struck gold.
Mr. Che Manure: Mr. Maradona, we are happy to welcome you to our family!
Maradona: Ha ha. Thank you. Now, people will forget about Hand of God. Henceforth, it’ll be Hand of Gold!
Mr. Che Manure: Wow, Mr. Maradona. That is a great line. We will use it in our ads.
Che Manure Jewellery – Hand of Gold!
Che Manure Jewellery – Hand of Gold!
Maradona: You like it? Firstly, I think it is a brilliant idea of someone like me associating with you.
Mr. Che Manure: You really think so?
Maradona: Of course. Why not?
Mr. Che Manure: Ah, nothing. I have a niggling doubt. You are a famous footballer. Football connects with men in Kerala. How will women, our jewellery target, connect with you, even if you are Maradona?
Maradona: Good question. See, I was a football champ in the 80s and early 90s. Everyone knew me then. I’m sure Malayali women were crazier about me those days than they were over Mamooty and Mohan Lal.
Mr. Che Manure: You have a point, sir.
Maradona: But that’s not the point. Listen, these women, who were young then have grown older. And today, they have the spending power. Now, can you see the connection?
Mr. Che Manure: You have a point, sir.
Maradona: But that’s not the point. Listen, these women, who were young then have grown older. And today, they have the spending power. Now, can you see the connection?
Mr. Che Manure: My God! Mr. Maradona, you are superb. Also, I have another idea. If you don’t mind…should we also consider someone from the current Argentinean team for our younger, trendier jewellery collection?
Maradona: Hello, Mr. Che Manure, don’t mess with me!
Mr. Che Manure: Mr. Maradona, I didn’t mean Messi. It could be anyone from the team.
Maradona: Messi? Who's he? I said don't mess with me.
Mr. Che Manure: Er…sorry sir. But Mr. Maradona, I'm happy you know. Because everyone is talking about you becoming our brand ambassador.
Maradona: Talking is okay. Is it good talk or bad talk?
Mr. Che Manure: I don’t really care sir. But I know this kind of celebrity endorsement has never happened here. It will soon be a case-study at one of the IIMs.
Maradona: What are they?
Mr. Che Manure: Sir, they produce managers like how your country produces footballers. Few turn out to be good like you. The rest are average.
Maradona: And they also create case-studies?
Mr. Che Manure: Yeah, that’s their current hobby. They create case-studies out of any kind of stupidity happening in our country. Our association stands a chance because it is one-of-a-kind.
Maradona: That’s good Mr. Che Manure. Since you are into gold, you should make a special edition golden football. I can pose next to it and that can be our hoarding.
Mr. Che Manure: Sir, marvellous. This can actually be the cover of a new marketing book.
Maradona: Marketing book?
Mr. Che Manure: Some marketing guru will surely write about us. Haven’t you heard of these types? Their formula is simple: Give the obvious a different spin and make millions out of it.
Maradona: Ah, okay.
Mr. Che Manure: Imagine the cover of the book. Your picture with our golden ball and the title that reads – BALLS TO YOU. All you wanted to know about celebrity marketing and didn’t have the balls to ask!
Maradona: Fantastic. I can’t wait to come to Kerala on October 24th. Is the government going to declare a holiday on the 24th?
Mr. Che Manure: We are trying to talk to them sir. Let us see. Expecting you soon sir!
And thus the dotted line was signed. Next week, Diego Armando Maradona will be in Kerala to open a new Che Manure jewellery store.
The golden era in celebrity endorsement has just arrived.
